Usually I’m eager to share, but this painting had me struggling a bit. Truth be told, I have super mixed emotions about it. In fact, that was sort of the point of the Lifebook exercise. Freely putting paint, ink etc. down on the paper and seeing what emotions emerged.
I did the background rather easily, and the word that was rattling around in my head was “trust” so I put it down again and again in various forms. When it came time to add figures (as was part of the exercise) I felt like I just couldn’t see who they were or where they should be on the page (or ahem, pages…this is 6 sheets of 9×12 watercolor paper taped together.) So, I decided to loosely follow what the instructor had done, making my own modifications along the way.
In the end I was okay with the painting, but I still wasn’t really sure what it all meant. The goal of the exercise was to get in touch with some emotion, but nothing made sense to me. The word “trust,” the figures on the page…It seemed like a weird jumble of nonsense. Then a wise friend made a comment that it was sort of maternal-looking, the bigger figure comforting or protecting the smaller one.
That hit me like a ton of bricks because I had been going through a few issues with my son, and I was in fact, having doubts about my ability to handle certain things and handle them well. Maybe, I thought, the message from me to me was to trust myself as a mom and to trust the decisions I’m making that impact my child. Deep, huh? Maybe it’s still nonsense, but that interpretation does ring true.
So, my mixed emotions. I don’t love this painting as a painting, but I do love it as a reminder to have a little faith in myself as a mom, and in that sense, it’s become one of my favorites.
To make this I played with: 6 sheets of 9 x 12 watercolor paper, tape, acrylics, spray paint, alcohol ink, Neocolors, pencil, sharpie, map pages, sheet music, and Modge Podge.